Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I have wanted to blog for a long time, but haven't been able to find the words to express what is in my heart and mind. So much has happened this summer, and while it has been a busy season, it has also been one filled with sadness, joy, stress, and love.

Bri and Brannick are still with us, and the bond between us has grown. This is a good thing, but also a bad thing. It is good in the sense that when you love someone, more loves comes to you, but bad in the sense that when they leave us, it will be infinitely more painful. How do you keep your heart closed off to protect yourself from hurt? Paul keeps cautioning me to not get "too attached" but I can't help it.

 I am one of those "all or nothing" kind of people. As with all things this is a double edged sword. On the one hand, I can get a lot of things done, because I give it my whole heart and soul. On the other hand, when I am done, I am SO DONE!  For example, when I jumped into my weight loss adventure, I went full force. Now, 9 months later, I am down 100 pounds. When I clean my house, I do the WHOLE thing- deep cleaning every nook and cranny. But, then I crash and don't do anything for several days, requiring another max out cleaning spree. Balance. That is my challenge. Why is it that some people can be balanced with such ease? Why can I not?

There are so many things I want to do! There are not enough hours in the day/month/ year!! We have gone swimming at the pond, read books, done some serious road time, and just hung out at home.  We went to a family reunion in Idaho, and had a good time. I have read some books, donbe some crocheting, and am starting to do some counted cross stitch stockings for Christmas. Some where in here, I want to get some scrapbooking in! So many fun things, so little time.

Joss is home from school- deferring a semester to work- so if anyone knows of job openings, let us know!
Dylan got his GED this summer scoring 200 points more than he needed.  Since then, he has been doing a lot of hours with the fire department, and went on his first state mobilization up to the Slide fire. He is also working part time for a farmer.

Adam got glasses, and is also working a little bit. Thank you to those who have the patience to teach him to work and pull his weight.

And now a little venting. Did you know that people who have had their kids removed do not have to have employment in order to have the kids returned? Their welfare counts as "income". Oh my gosh!!  This whole experience with the government has been a nightmare- not only have they gained unlimited access to my home, they continue to make demands....."separate bedrooms"...more bed......etc etc. Send this report, take them to this doctor, come to this court hearing, the parents still can determine medical decisions, apply for food stamps, apply for cash from the state, by the way do you have any weapons in your house and where are they? We want the names of friends and relatives that we can talk to about you...send us pictures of the kids every week, bring the kids in to CPS 3 times a week for visitation, take them to big town every other Saturday for visitation but don't take your purse, phone or camera.Don't post pictures of the kids on your blog or facebook, do not allow visits with other family members without your presence. On and On and On and On. And  in the middle of all this, no one cares about the rights of the children, only about the rights of the drug addicted parents. Where is the sense in all of this? What have we come to? Hello? Is anyone thinking out there? This summer has been consumed by the government. While I recognize that part of it is necessary,  there is entirely too much interference.  Oh, this was my favorite question: If something happens to you and Paul, what will happen to your children, and by extrapolation,  what will happen to Bri and Brannick? What is your financial status? How much is your monthly income? I tell ya,  I was waiting for them to inquire about my bathroom habits!!

So, September and school are upon us. I know that structure is important, but something in me chafes against a state entity dictating my schedule. I love the freedom to come and go, play and work at my disgression; After home schooling for so many years, and then going to Kiimber for 4 hours a day 3 days a week, conforming to such a stringent schedule is very constricting. And I so love the idea of  "free" government schools, which I then had to spend >$100.00 on school supplies, not to mention the $400.00 bucks in school clothes (which was paid for by You and I insurance).NOT!!

My goats are getting big and full of attitude; I am looking forward to having them bred in a couple of months, and having kids in the spring.  Well, I better go get some housework done, and find something for dinner.

1 comment:


I so hear you! We had a little girl stay at our home who had been raped by her mother (who had a sex change). The nightmare of CPS and police intervention was horrific. I would do it all over again but it was really hard. Foster Parents get hammered because there are a few really bad ones out there. What you are doing is unselfish and least know that! I appreciate does the Savior, I am sure.