ruminations on reality

It has been almost 3 weeks since my last post. It is not that I didn't want to blog, I just have been having a difficult time. There have been some challenges in my personal life, and I can't write about it because it concerns family members, and they prefer that I not discuss it in this forum. So you might not understand what this post is about. Never fear, I hope I will feel better discussing it in a vague and oblique manner. And that is what life is all about, right? ME?



I have been surprised at how much losing my previous posts saddens me. It is almost like losing part of myself.... almost like I have had writer's block because I left off in a different place, and can't connect back to that me. I know...very wierd.



Being the mom means that the general vibe/spirit of the home is instigated and reflected by you. "If Mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", or so goes the couplet. The hardest part is maintaining equanimity when all around you are in turmoil-whether due to physical, emotional,or spiritual needs. Taking time for yourself to recharge, of course would help. Unfortunately, in my specific situation that is not a feasible alternative. In self defense, I find myself retreating for a daily nap, hoping the house doesn't burn down in my temporary removal from intense atmospheric stress. And in that action I am disappointed.



Left to wonder at my response to environmental stimuli, I am forced to evaluate my own inner strength and stamina. Am I doing what I need to be? Why do small things appear to cause spin off tornadoes from the daily hurricane, and is there damage being done to the bystanders? If damage is occurring, can it be repaired? What are the long term ramifications for the major players, and are those on the sidelines sufficiently protected to weather the storm? Most important of all, IS THE STORM ALMOST OVER????!!! BECAUSE I AM GETTING REALLY SICK OF IT!!



Usually politics and world happenings are engrossing. I can't summon the focus to even examine current events, let alone decide how they may affect my family's future. Hours of crocheting serve to numb my mind and in autopilot, the daily tasks of running a home are accomplished. A verse fills my mind- "When I was a child I spoke as a child....now I see through a glass darkly...." Acknowledging that in the future we will see clearly and all will be restored to perfect form, I am left once again wondering......WHAT am I going to blog about??